Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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