did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
