and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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