they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You are a genius and a whore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
