I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
