Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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