I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
