Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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