At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
