Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
