It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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