If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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