Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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