we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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