I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
