There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
