I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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