Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
