Screwed.edu
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
