You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
