I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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