I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
