We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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