friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
