a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
