"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
