Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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