Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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