Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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