It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
