Your tits are I can't wait for
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
