Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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