Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
