omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Send help, water and tortillas.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
