dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
