I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
