Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
