My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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