the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
