Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
