It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
