Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
