i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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