Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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