Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the day after is always just damage control
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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