Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
