sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
