The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
