if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think your dad took our porno
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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