Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
