your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
